My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
