No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
