so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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