the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
how drunk are you?
Several
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
