Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
