she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
