Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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