I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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