Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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