he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
