worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
