There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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