Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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