if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
