i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
