Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
