Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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