9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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