please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
