WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
