I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
