Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
