Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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