I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
