I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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