Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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