Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
