Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
