Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
