you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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