She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
