saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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