dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
40s are totally the cure
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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