Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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