Just fell off a train. Bad.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
