My sheets look like a crime scene.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just found puke in my bra..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
