i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
