Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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