It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
