I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
