The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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