Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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