if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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