i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
