he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
