Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
