I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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