Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
