I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize