Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
