My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
