Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
