He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
