I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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