bring money and cleavage
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The air was thick with penises
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
