don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
