Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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