my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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