Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
