Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
