Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
