you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
