i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
