yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
