next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
