apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
