3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
