We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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