Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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