No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
