in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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