It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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