What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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