There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my poor anus
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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