if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
