I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
