Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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