I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
